South of the Mason Dixon

[ruffcut]

  Are you rebs out picking cotten or eating grits? Anybody want to hear the story I made up about Cooter?

[Renegade]

Uh, yeah, I want to hear it. 

[cooter]

 

Prolly true........

 

[ruffcut]

 Well if youre going to badger me I`ll give you the story.
  A little while back I was truckin thru Kentucky and I had the urge for a cold beer so I found myself a comphy looking dive and went in and spied Cooter sitting at the bar with a dozen shots and a pitcher of cold brew for a chaser.  I said what`s up dude, birthday or somthing? Can I get you another one?
  He says no, no thanks. He told me he got his first BJ tonight and he figured 12 shots and a pitcher of beer should kill the taste. He said it tasted like chicken.              the end.
   

[Renegade]

Bahahahahahhh!

He'll be here all week!   

Thanks for the Monday morning Lift, I needed that.

[Gar]

Cooter does love his Beam and Miller Lite, ya know.

I had cheese grits yesterday. My wife makes the best cheese grits.

Spent Saturday with the Morgan Co. Sheriff and a deputy. My neck (and face) is truly red now.

Got a new to me truck, too.

[cooter]

Cooter does love his Beam and Miller Lite, ya know.

I had cheese grits yesterday. My wife makes the best cheese grits.

Spent Saturday with the Morgan Co. Sheriff and a deputy. My neck (and face) is truly red now.

Got a new to me truck, too.

No piccy's no proofie.....

[cooter]

A preacher was walking down the sidewalk one day and noticed a little boy named Ruffcut sitting on the curb. The little boy would pop a m&m in his mouth pick up his cat that was sitting on his lap and bite it and slide down the curb.
This interested the preacher so he kept watching the little boy and after two repeat performances asked the little boy what he was doing?
The little boy replied, "Preacher, I'm playing truckdriver" The preacher was confused and said "What" The little boy repeated that he was playing truck driver, "You see", the little boy said, "I'm popping pills, eating pu**y and sliding on down the road"......

[ruffcut]

  Have I ever mentioned the story about Cooter up here at the farm? We had gone out for a pizza at this combo biker/hillbilly type bar. They call it the bucket of blood on the weekends
  We went in spied this sign which reads "make my horse laugh and there`s 500 bucks for you. Cooter says I got it so he walked out to the nag &got real close and ol sea bisquits just went nuts, rollin over slappin his leg and laughing. Would not tell what he said either.
    On our way out we see the sign now says "make my horse cry and there`s 5000 in it for you. Here comes cooter running around us to get to sea bisquit and starts talking to him like a used car salesman. All of a sudden the tear gates broke and that horse is really balling plus she`s ready to go on spin dry mode. Cooter refused to tell anyone how he did it but he always had that half smile.
   50 years later he told me that the first time he told the horse he had a bigger dick and the horse laughted.  I asked how he got him to cry he showed him.         

[cooter]

  Have I ever mentioned the story about Cooter up here at the farm? We had gone out for a pizza at this combo biker/hillbilly type bar. They call it the bucket of blood on the weekends
  We went in spied this sign which reads "make my horse laugh and there`s 500 bucks for you. Cooter says I got it so he walked out to the nag &got real close and ol sea bisquits just went nuts, rollin over slappin his leg and laughing. Would not tell what he said either.
    On our way out we see the sign now says "make my horse cry and there`s 5000 in it for you. Here comes cooter running around us to get to sea bisquit and starts talking to him like a used car salesman. All of a sudden the tear gates broke and that horse is really balling plus she`s ready to go on spin dry mode. Cooter refused to tell anyone how he did it but he always had that half smile.
   50 years later he told me that the first time he told the horse he had a bigger dick and the horse laughted.  I asked how he got him to cry he showed him.         

I reiterate,  no piccy no proofie..............

 

[cooter]

"How was your first day in third grade, Ruffcut ?" asked his father.

"Good," said Ruffcut. "The teacher asked each of us to count to 100. Some kids couldn't get past 30, but I made all the way to 100 without a single mistake!"

"That’s good, son. That's because you're from Arkansas."

After the next day of school, he asked again.

"I did good today, too, Dad. In language class, we had to say the alphabet. Some kids couldn't get past P, but I made all the way to Z without a single mistake!"

"That's good, son. That's because you're from Arkansas."

After the third day of school, Ruffcut came home looking troubled.

"What's the matter, son?" asked Dad.

"Oh, I dunno. Today we had Physical Education, and afterwards, in the shower, I noticed that, well, the other boys in my class, uh, well Dad, they all have little tiny ones. Mine must be ten times bigger than theirs! Is that because I’m from Arkansas?"

"No, son," explained Dad. "That's because you’re 18!"

[ruffcut]

       I was working at this little trading post right up tight to the frontier when here comes.........................................................Parker. He had gotten himself in hot water with a thirteen year old girl(she looked 12) so now he`s gonna stock up on traps and well, supplies for six months but before he heads up to his hideout he asks if there`s any working girls around to witch the bar keep says no girls but you can have a go at "ol Bill over there". Parker gets hot and says hell no he don`t go for that shit and he was gone.
      Six months pass and he drops his furs off over at the place you drop fur and headed for the saloon.
 Wiskey and a woman gol dang it, Im sportin big wood!! bar keep says,here`s yo whiskey but still no wimmin............."ol Bill`s still here tho. I DONT GO FO THAT SHIT says Parker but he`s pounding waterglass shots of JD and calls mr.barkeep over and asks who all would have to know if he did slip ol bill the trouser trout. barkeep says ruff and cooter and maybe those two guys over there and himself.
 Parker says why do all these guys have to watch. barkeep says
 these guys have to hold ol bill down. ya see ol bill don`t go for that shit either.
                                                                                                               
                                                                                                               the end

[photomd]

Ruffcut had a little lamb
Whose fleece was white as snow
And every time he got horny,
That's where he's sure to go

And during the winter it did snow
It was high, and  it was deep
But the loving sure did flow

But soon the cupboard was bare
And the snow was starting to melt
He jumped aboard his connie with nary a care

As he went from store to store
His hunger started to soar
He kept looking which was starting to be a bore

As he rode over a rise what did his eyes see
While it was like a dream
The likes he could hardly believe

There it was in all its glory
A feast like no other
But that's not the end of the story

As Ruff grabbed his food to bank
The local constable had an issue
And soon the cuffs did clank

Ruff was sad as he was in a spot
There'd be no more sheep lovin'
Just three hots and a cot


And it may be true...See: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8591303.stm


BTW when are we goin' on a trip. Ruff, can you get down to WV easily?

[ruffcut]

          I don`t know about easily. My bike is screwing with me. I really hate to do it but I might just drop it off at the shop. It`s getting good fuel and fire but it won`t even bark. I ran out of time to mess with it today.
          I guess we need to work up a story for Gar. How much do you know about that barn yard chicken molesting thing?

[Gar]

Let's just ride to PA. I'll choke my chicken before I leave, so Parker will be safe.